playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
