Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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