Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This baby is an asshole
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
