please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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