You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
