Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
