I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
