My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
