drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
