I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
