i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
