Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
