i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
