did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
