Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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