I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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