literally had 100 drinks last night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
