last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
