I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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