I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
