So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
