Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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