No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
