Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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