i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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