i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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