well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
