theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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