Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
