i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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