My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
