My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
