did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
