Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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