I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
