Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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