id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
