There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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