literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
