wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
