hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I know her cup size but not her name....
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