you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
