he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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