I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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