I think my vagina is haunted
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
