when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
