It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
