Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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