Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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