wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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